« coming to rockford was a good idea | Main | open letter to loverzan »

the end of meeting is parting

All the honey is jarred up and I'm ready to go. Kinda.


I've had a good vacation and I'm looking forward to meeting my obligations and facing my shit, but I'm also really scared.

It's very nice to be able to make decisions completely on my own, but it is of course also terrifying. I know there's many courses I could take, and that all of them have their benefits and consequences. If only there was a way to see the way a course of action plays out.

I think that's my own evidence that I'm getting older. I think potential choices weigh heavier on me now. I have less time to do right by the world left, and I don't want to just flail around until I die. At a time like this in my life, when I have many choices to make, about where to put my effort, my love and my attention.

Suddenly I see the strength I have to build and I wonder, what should I build? What is worth building?

There's a Buddhist reminder called "The Four Ends":

The end of gathering is dispersion.
The end of building is ruin.
The end of meeting is parting.
The end of birth is death.

Cheery, I know. But it's trying to say that these are very natural cycles, and you can't start something and be blind to its end.

I honestly hope I can build with confidence, but remember the ruin inherent in what I build.

Another Buddhist prayer I would be wise to remember:

All sentient beings are to attain the citadel of completely perfected buddhahood.
For this reason, and to this end, I now enter the stages of honest, virtuous action.

I'll miss you, my good momma, and all my awesome deluded Rockford friends.

And I'll miss frosty $1 beers at the Rockview Tap Room.



I still find it funny that I live 3 blocks from that bar and I've never set foot in it for 5 years. You come to town for a week and you recommend it. hahahaha. Maybe I'll check it out sometime... It's not like I have to drive to get there.

Until next time my friend...get a HAIRCUT! hahaha j/k
From one diluted friend to one misguided pal

It was really cool getting to hang with you again.

I wish you the best of luck on whichever path you choose.

You can live big; you can do it all...integrate the abundance of choices you noe see. Draw on your dreams...and you inner gifts.
You..we all are far more creatively powerful yhan we realize. Do this, through the fear and you'll find an aliveness you've seldom known.
Love, Dad Anything is Possible

Call me when you get back home and we'll do that dinner we had planned on before our server at work exploded. Have a safe trip!