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i didn't use your damn country crock

I work the graveyard shift, and I fought hard to get it. If they tried to make me work the day shift in the same place I work I would quit, and I'm so serious about that.

Unlike dooce, I had a pre-emptive policy about my weblog and work. I just told everyone I work with to go read my website, and gave them the URL. Now I know that none of them will ever read it. Even if they did...I have a really hard time believing they'd fire me for it. A write-up maybe...but we've been through that already.

So I'm not afraid to say that the influential women (all women, even my boss, her boss, and her boss, the VP of communications) in my department are some seriously dysfunctional ladies. I just can't tell you how beautiful it is not to have to deal with them all on a daily basis. I find that not seeing them has the pleasant effect of actually developing some real affection and understanding for them, which I have no doubt would melt away in days if I had to work with them for several hours a day again.

My main contact with them is group Email. Group Email like, "Someone is using my country crock from the fridge. I would like whoever it is to buy me a new tub of country crock since I am poor and cannot afford amenities like extra country crock."

For those not in the know, Country Crock is one of the many whipped and artificially flavored vegetable oils that comes in a tub. I think it's yucky, and I'm really a butter-only kind of person. I have butter here at work and I use it. I'd rather smear monkey-poop on my toast than Country Crock. I'll bet the Australians have some wierd comparable brand called SlipperyTub or something. They have wierd brand names.

You know I'm going to get to the point soon and I certainly hope I do.

I was teasing an early morning co-worker about it when she looked at me quite seriously and said, "You know they think it's you, don't you?"

I about blew a gasket. What?! They think I nick their undefended spread? Their Country Crock? Why that's madness!

I didn't use your damn Country Crock!

Comments

Whoa... do you work for my company? We had a fiasco related to the purloining of a few bagel-scrapes' worth of cream cheese a few weeks back. I was pretty quick to plead innocent by way of dairy intolerance.

That's outstanding! Maybe they will do what my wife's employer did. They honestly put not one, but two, video cameras up to monitor the fridge. Someone there has too much spare time and an overlarge budget.

That's hilarious!

I don't know though, someone who craves hostess cupcakes at 3:00am might have a yearning for country crock in the wee hours...

damn it daniel, just admidt it... you know you love the spreads in a tub!!!

You kill me!!!
I love you!!!
Linda

what a crock! this chick sent out a message last week to all canberra offices, "Whoever just let their tomato-based lunch explode in the microwave COULD THEY PLEASE CLEAN IT UP!" Yeah yeah!

Country crock? That to me would be a bagfull of manure!