the tinyblog

So, 15 days of my little retreat. I'm just here to report from Fortress Talsky and talk about how it's going in here.

First of all, I'm paying the bills. So far I've been able to hustle work and keep on task well enough to get paid decent. A trip to Ireland? A little 150cc scooter? Health insurance? All these luxuries could be within my grasp this year!

I've been meditating. I've been observing my ethical disciplines. Mostly.

meditation

Have I been meditating every morning and every night before I go to bed? No. Most mornings. I start the coffee water and grind the beans and then I meditate until the electric water pot clicks. That's a big improvement for me. It's really hard for me to meditate in the morning. I don't know if it helps. It seems to. I feel like less of a jerk or something.

Except I bitched out saltcellar about something stupid and that was pretty jerky. That's pretty mild for me though. And at night...I usually manage to sit. Sometimes not. Tonight I'm going to, just to start the second half of the retreat off right.

Have I been faithfully going to meditation church on wednesday nights? Yes. That's been good. Although I did get this one cute meditation girl's email address. I hope that doesn't invalidate the meditation. Hehehehe.

stealing

Have I refrained from stealing? Yes. But I did go help the newly married Andrew Dunloy take scrap lumber from a jobsite in the middle of the night with flashlights. We did make sure we didn't take anything that looked usable and wasn't in a scrap pile though. I think we did okay. Me and Andy are good boys.

intoxicants

Have I refrained from indulging in intoxicants? Yes. But I did drink wine for Josh's seder two nights ago. It was part of the ceremony and I didn't feel like it was indulging. (There was also a shot of single-malt highland scotch though, and I don't know if that was technically part of the seder ceremony but let's say it was.) The seder was really amazing...I wish Josh had a website or something for his cool "plain english" Jewish teachings and outreach. It's pretty cool the way he explains it. Even the shiksas could understand.

This has actually been one of the nicest parts of the retreat. It makes life a little less expensive. And it's easier to get things done in the evening. I can go out partying and then come home at 11:30pm and work still if I feel like it. I don't know if it's helped my meditation but maybe it has. It's been mostly fun, actually. I've discovered I'm actually just as off the hook at parties even stone cold sober.

I actually bartended at Cara's cocktail party and was the sober one. Now I know why bartenders don't drink. Because people like to give the bartender a hard time and crack jokes and think they're real funny. But they're drunk. And the bartender is sober. So guess who gets in the last zinger 90% of the time? I get it now.

lying

Did I refrain from lying? Yeah. I did good. I was pretty mindful of this.

sexual misconduct

Yeah yeah. This is the hardest one of course. I tightened up the ship, but let's just say I went to the next level on this one. Sexual conduct is pretty subtle, and there were a couple of times I wondered if I had lived up to the highest standard.

the next half

Well, nothing to do for it but keep on chugging. Usually friends of mine find out about it when I tell them I'm not drinking or anything and they think it's all about that. It's really not. The ethical disciplines I try to do anyway. I'm just trying to step up my awareness of these things yet one notch higher and really pay attention to what I'm doing in my life.

I was going through some periods of real hopelessness and sadness for awhile there and felt like the walking wounded. It seems to be abating a bit, and I have a better handle on trying to run this life with humility and grace. I think. For the moment.

It's been a beautiful time for me, and it's been nice to have a virtuous focal point for my existance.