the tinyblog

My guitar brain wants to kill your mama me.

I've been so overwhelmed with helplessness and emotionality this past couple of weeks that I've had the distinct feeling of my brain actually wanting to leap out of my skull and attack me!

I've just been so aware of my shortcomings and so powerless to mitigate them. I feel ineffective and a menace to all those around me. It's like someone is walking around holding up a mirror to my face. What makes it worse is that although it's painful, I know how forgetful I am, and I know how easy it is to go back to just living like the gentle bulldozer that I am, and just pretend that everything's okay.

I think: Should I just go to a fucking psychologist? Should I set aside more time to practice dharma? Lay in bed and sleep every minute I'm not working? Should I hole up in a clock tower and do something that will get me shot? Drink to oblivion? Should I play Frank Zappa really loud until my brain is forced to drizzle gently and harmlessly out my ears? Should I tell my brain to "bring it on"? Should I start walking towards Canada? Should I just shun all human contact so no one gets burned? But instead I just blunder on.

I'm actually doing a pretty good job of fronting. Considering I think I've had strep throat for about 2 1/2 weeks now, and the whole brain thing. Here's today's Zen question, what's the sound of one person's brain reaching out and slapping them? When is this going to calm down!?

Oh yeah, and Loverzan put up her latest series of cool emotional landscape paintings. They're quite potent and cool.