juking god
I was talking with the rzanimal and nateward yesterday over dinner about our earliest experiences of self awareness. Nateward told us about a time when he was growing up in Tunisia and he was a small child of about two or three. He said he just suddenly had this awareness that he was a person in a room...that the tables and chairs and things were seperate from him, and it made him feel very small.
I couldn't remember my first moment of self-awareness, but I did remember being in my front yard once when I was about age ten. I was just walking and just sort of thinking of what I had been hearing in Catholic church about God's omniscience.
So...God knew exactly what I was going to do in the next second, even if I didn't. I took a step forward and God had known I was going to do that. Suddenly, without planning it, I veered off to the right, and wondered if God had forseen that I was going to do that. Probably. My little brow set in determination.
I started walking, then sort of veered to the left, then immediately veered to the right, walking as spontaneously and unpredictably as I could manage. I was in essence trying to juke God...to zig when He thought I was going to zag. After a bit of this I realized that God had probably forseen my whole little existential crisis and everything that came with it, and resigned myself to a future that I didn't know anything about, but God probably did.
I wonder if He knew I was going to become a Buddhist and not believe in a omniscient sentient creator of the universe anymore?
Comments
Well of course God knew that, that's what omniscience is all about. Somehow I don't think the creator of all things worries much about whether our puny minds believe they can grasp him/her or not.
In fact I think God probably prefers us to be as open as possible in our minds and hearts-to be uncertain and feel safe with that uncertainty?
I don't believe in God, but I think God believes in me! Especially lately, have I felt so deeply blessed and loved.
That's my 20 cents.
Posted by: rzan | April 5, 2002 6:38 PM
Glad you posted that cute story-picturing the boy you so audaciously trying to trick God almighty with zigzagging shenanigans is just too funny!
Posted by: rzan | April 5, 2002 6:42 PM
It was a feeling of my relative smallness, a casual analysis. I suddenly understood that I was a small being in an environment created for large beings. I remember thinking "this is important" and that I should remember that moment. I did. Thanks for posting that story, I still have this mental image of you walking unpredictably in rzan's dining room. Hee-larious.
Posted by: yerba nate | April 5, 2002 8:36 PM
I can't say god is real, can't say god is not. However, I can say that in my life I have had some wonderful coincidences come about....I guess depnding on your point of view that could be a god thing right?
One thing though Dan, and to smack me you would have to travel mighty far, so, Jesus loves you, and he says you can have back you car stereo, but only if you ask really nice-like.
Posted by: Little Joe | April 7, 2002 10:28 PM