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friday, december 8
I would like to say that I love everyone equally, but those who have cooked for me have a special place in my heart. I love every eating in every way, from eating French toast standing over the counter, to stew from a Dutch oven in front of the campfire, to seared ahi tuna at a white tablecloth. It all tastes even better when someone cooks it for me and puts it in front of me. Even if the skill of the cooker is inept, sincerity is what counts in my book. (Although I believe that true sincerity produces palatable foodÖdisregarding the drastic accident.)
When I spend money to entertain myself, I almost always do it with food. To eat someplace new and fascinating is the greatest. When the food is really good I close my eyes when I eat, like a guy in a Taco Bell commercial.
thursday, december 7
Not much for today, anyone ever hear this song?
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I love that song.
wednesday, december 6
Itís weird, itís like Iím two different people. Iím almost the worst of myself when Iím at work. Iím the least mindful and the most aggressive. It just brings out my monkey mind so bad. Thereís so little comfort and so much control. I try to maintain mindfulness as far into the day as I can, but often lose it about 10 minutes into the day. I think everyone at work thinks Iím an asshole. The rest of the time Iím pretty cool. Only lovers and housemates see the worst of me otherwise. That is so sad. Iím looking forward in some ways to living alone.
You know what blog I really like? Lacking in Emotional Content. That guy is really good, and I love his layout. I want him to be my friend, but heís too cool for that sort of thing I think. Thereís a fair amount of others I like, and Iím going to have a link list of blogs really worth visiting every day when I do a more involved redesign. Thereís so many, and I discover new ones every day.
What makes a good blog? Clever linking; a sense of discovery; writing that would be of interest to someone other than the blogger and his friends; pretty layout (but not layout alone); and consistency.
Identify with anything? Donít be afraid to email me.
tuesday, december 5
Anyway, she left town to go to school in Bellingham. She's studying theater, a natural profession for her. She invited me up to Bellingham to a dinner a few months ago and we rekindled our friendship, finding it to be ever stronger as real grown-ups. I am always newly amazed at her courage and capacity to love and learn from her mistakes. This is my online tribute to her.
But then it's passed and no matter how bright I know it is, I still can't quite touch itÖthat's when I'm running on fear, and I always suspect that whatever I've got to give the world isn't quite enough to make it all work.
You know, Tully's makes a surprisingly good coffee. Their Dutchman's Blend is so balanced and good, it's like a warm little filament in my belly. This is coming from someone living in the coffee capitol of the world perhaps, Seattle, WA. There is some damn good coffee here. Vivace's (a local roastery, really the best, but no drip), Caffe Vitta (another roastery, super solid Sumatra). Also the good shops, Diva Espresso (serving the sublime Batdorf and Bronson varietals), Habitat Espresso (coffee for a good cause), and even the Jitterbug Cafť.
I wanted to take a moment to thank all the other blogmakers, toiling in their dens to write their little blogs, not knowing for sure if anyone will care. I have noticed. Thank you.
monday, december 4
It was all painful and everything. I moved out, the police were involved. I really wouldn't recommend it. If you find yourself drawn to alcoholics or addicts in a habitual kinda way, or are currently with one, I really suggest you go find an Al-Anon meeting. I know that 12-step crap may seem cheesy, but it's at least as good as therapy, and it's free. Plus, there's actually an amazing community of people that are interested in being honest about their own human fragility. There's meetings in damn near every city in the world.
Oh, and I added an Email link...email me if you're moved to do so.
Iím typing this in Word in a really big font size like itís a movie or something.
It always comes down to the words "always" and "never".
Well, in spite of the fact that Iím a card-carrying Buddhist (just kidding, thereís no card), in recovery groups, and just a generally nice guy, it seems that I am completely unable of having any king of intimate human relationship.
What a weekend. My housemate got back from a Zen meditation retreat and told me that I should start looking for another place to live for the moth of January. Cute, real cute. My Momís coming down to visit me from the 15th to the 26th and Winter quarter (HTML and C++, yay!) starts on January 2nd
She says sheís 55 and just wants to live in peace and doesnít want to have a housemate that she doesnít feel comfortable speaking up about her grievances with. I never noticed. She wants to be able to say the words "always" and "never" and I guess Iíve got issues with them.
For example, "Everytime I am vunerable to you, you always get so smug, and youíre never supportive." I know she doesnít mean always and never, but the first thing that always think is that itís not true. Iím not always any way.
Jeez, Iím a new blogger and donít quite know how to do this. Should I wrap it up with some succinct point encapsulating it all, or should I just let it endÖa dangling thought; just like real life?