« when I'm with you all I have to do | Main | maybe i should have drunk more »

if there was ever a story

If there was ever a story to my life, I've lost the thread of it. I'd pray to God if I thought I would get guided to my fate, but I don't think that. I mainly hear resounding silence. Even psychologists say you can ask yourself... your innermost self or whatever.

I ask. But me and my innermost self are quite silent. I ask myself what it is that I most desire, and I get lukewarm answers: I'd like to be a rapper, I'd like to have a nice girlfriend, I'd like to make enough money to have a car, pay off my taxes and move to Bellingham. I started out my life as a teenager with such vision and now perhaps I am boring? Perhaps netflix has ended my aspiration? I want things, but nothing so bad it burns in me and I'd be willing to give up everything for it, or even work hard for it. I'm 31 and I look at what I've accomplished and wonder if I should have just picked something arbitrarily.

The dharma has been a blessing and a curse. I like to and want to help all beings, and have learned to let go of a lot of attachment. But I have too much attachment to up and go in retreat like my sister, but too little to get out there in the rat race and fuck shit up. It's been going on like this for a couple of years. I don't see a solution.

Just letting you know. In case you have any ideas.

Probably has something to do with watching Stranger than Fiction. God, Maggie Gyllenhaal is so dreamy. She really is.


yea! The tinyblog is back!
Sorry, got no answers about life, still trying to figure that one out for myself!

Trust me, my man, you are far from alone in looking at where you are, wondering how in the fuck you ended up there, and have no burning drive to get to that magical destination in life where your planets align and you truly feel that This Is Where I Should Be... even if you had a clue where that place was.

The overwhelming majority of people you've interacted with in this life consider themselves richer for it.

If nothing else, be content with that.

(Hmm... that's almost deep and shit...)

Damn dude. That was a nice thing to say though.

I used to think that my inner self would give me these resoundingly clear answers.
- "Yes you should take this job."
- "Yes, this person is your soul mate."
I've noticed that the few times I have gotten a clear answer like that, well, it could only be applied for that moment. It's not that my inner voice was wrong, only that its advice has an expiration date. Kinda like refrigerator food. Those left-overs sure were tasty last Thursday, but not so much now.

I'd move to Bellingham with you...

Post a comment