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June 29, 2004

really experiencing the rockford "culture"

Well, I think it's time to put my money where my mouth is. I think, if I really want to grok Rockford (say it 10 times fast) is to come and do some tinyblog research.

That's right, I'm coming to Rockford. I'm gonna show up mid-month and do some Rockford research, including said "Brew Pub" and perhaps even said "field art". But I am definately going to help my mom "harvest some honey", and maybe even help her with a small "web project".

I...I'm a little hesitant to break the news here, but I think I will, because it just feels wrong to pretend it isn't happening...

Roseanne and I are breaking up.

I know this may be pretty tough for people to believe, since we were going to be married in a month. I wish I could explain more...but I'm kind of in the intermittant pain and shock phase, and not really in the "explaining things to people" phase.

So the loing and the short of it is, I'm moving out, and I'm going to Rockford to kick it with my "mom" and Rockford "friends" for a week or so.

If you are a friend of Roseanne's, please do your best to be there for her. I think she really needs some extra support.

Feel free to email me if you wish.

June 27, 2004

okay, rockford culture

Well, now I've been schooled about the modern culturefest that is Rockford, IL.

And let me just say that not only don't I know muchg about Rockford, but I didn't really know much about Rockford or Winnebago County or Northern Illinois, even back when I lived there. I know far more about the Seattle metropolitan and surrounding areas than I ever knew about Illinios.

My folks weren't really into exploring the area that much. We did go to the apple orchard though, which someone mentioned in the comments. Edwards apple orchard. I actually went out with a girl in the Edwards family, which was a little surreal since going there had been a kind of childhood memory. Damn good apples, and a nice homey Saturday activity. It felt so abundant to eat all the apples you wanted and just pick bushels and bushels. Like a cornucopia. They also had a little cafe with really good apple pie and cider and such. That was definately a really good memory, we went several times.

Due to lack of coffee shops, I did spend a lot of time with my friends at Denny's, where I began my lifelong overconsumption of coffee. Especially after I read Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones. It's a book where she talks about the incredible virtues (both in honing writing skill and thereputic psychological value) of writing down an unhindered stream of mental diarrhea. Then I camped out at Denny's with renewed fervor now that I had a purpose.

But that was when I had started to develop a local social circle with cars. Before that I went through some times feeling pretty isolated always living on the outskirts of Rockford. I didn't really click with anyone nearby at my high school, and I really got into the computer and dial-up BBS's, which is how I made some real friends. Now they all have websites. Go figure.

Man I am hitting this whole Rockford thing in a very non-comprehensive kinda way.

June 25, 2004

i like rockford

Someone (from Rockford) suggested in the comments that they got the idea that I didn't like Rockford. This is not the case. I actually find Rockford incredibly comforting, but don't think I could live there, and remember pretty vividly how stifled I felt.

Rockford is still the place where my mom is, and that alone makes it pretty nice. It has a pretty homey vibe, and all the familiar childhood places make it nice. When I was a kid it was predominantly locally owned businesses, and as dorky as I thought they were, it was really preferable in retrospect to the attack of the chain stores. There's still some Norwegian and Italian-American vibe there, and now there's even a couple of cool little coffee joints, but State Street is nigh on horrific.

It's not just the fact that there's no decent sushi (there IS decent BBQ, what about Lord and Penix, or Box's BBQ?), or 200+ yard rifle ranges (!).

It just...culture. The average person in Seattle would read Bill's blog, and say "Whoa, nice guy, but dude is smokin' too much FOX news." The average person in Rockford (I'm guessing) would be like, "Now there's a man with some common sense." or even, "goddamn travesty there's no 200 foot rifle range".

What I miss most about Rockford is just that there's a lot of parks that are big and that hardly anyone knows about. State parks, city parks, county parks. So many places to go and walk around where you can't see a skyline. But there's no mountains.

Yeah, I guess that's all I like about Rockford. It's familiar and my Mom and old friends live there. It's like meatloaf. It's comfort food.

But check it, Seattle is so cool. There's like a gazillion day trips to breathtaking locales. No one ever talks about wind chill factor. It's lush and green. There's culture up the ass. Seattle International Film Festival, Third Place Books, Kuan Yin Teahouse, Chop Suey, Hing Loon Seafood Restaurant, Fremont, and so much more. Even if I don't even go to any of those places, I just feel so much better living in a place where I can. The populace seems vibrant and aware. In Rockford every young person seems like a Wal-Mart employee waiting to happen.

June 24, 2004

rockford, a rocky ford

Rockford, IL was originally called "midway", because it was midway between Chicago and Galena (which was once a place people wanted to go to a lot when they were in Chicago). And really it still has the vibe in some way of a place you go to when you're on the way to somewhere else. Only Galena is now a freaky historical town with no real reason to go there. So now Rockford is sorta midway between Chicago and uh...Wisconsin. It's close enough to Wisconsin that there's a certain sense of rivalry between Chicago Bears fans and Green Bay Packers fans.

I guess I like the Rockford of my youth more than the Rockford of today. I liked it when it really was a midway. It was about 90 minutes out of downtown Chicago, and really it's own town, independant of the suburbs of Chicago, but still accessible to Chicago. It had its own vibe, and it's own local Swedish/Italian culture. Sure, it was boring, but in it's own sleepy way.

It was the second biggest city in Illinois...which really tells you something about Illinois. There was a huge tool-and-die post WWII kinda intelligent industry to it. The biggest business was Sundstrand, a small parts defense contractor. Seriously just a regular American town. But now it has grown towards Chicago, and Chicago towards it. In a way now it's almost a Chicago suburb. It gradually got all the Targets, TGIFridays, and other suburb strip mall chain stuff.

I grew up mainly here in a neighborhood near the outskirts of Rockford, with big greenbelts all round that have now been bulldozed and developed. It's weird to go back and see gas stations where my stomping grounds were.

In the late 1800's they changed the name to Rockford, after a rocky ford in the Rock River, which cuts the city roughly in half.

June 23, 2004

rockford, il

Today I got an Email about the tinyblog in my inbox:

Hello just thought i would drop you a quick line as i was surfuing web sites with cafe esperanto in the name and i just couldnt quite recall from your picture posted who that is holding the glass..lol...ahh sometimes i miss that place and then other times am glad its gone....but regurardless [sic] to say i think it touched alot of differnt [sic] peoples lives...take care ....charles

This is so strange because now that a$$hole is doing some guest posting, and we know each other from Rockford, IL, I was just about to do some posting about Rockford, the town I grew up in. This Cafe he's talking about is Cafe Esperanto, an artsy cafe in Rockford. Well, the artsy cafe in Rockford. Even stranger, he's referring to this very intimate post where I tell the story of how I first met a$$hole (and had sex with her...it was sex week here at the tinyblog).

So, how auspicious. I think that a$$hole and I are going to do a Rockford, IL posting series, and since most of my readership actually still lives in Rockford at this point, it should make for some damn interesting commenting.

In addition, if any of the Rockfordites would like to do a guest post about Rockford, IL, that would be pretty cool.


Couldn't resist showing off my tiny eyes...

Welcome to our new Guest Blogger! Her milkshake brings all the bloggers to the tinyyard.

June 22, 2004

a few tinyblog changes

A few changes around here...


Roseanne has always been an occaisional guest blogger around here, but with a$$hole guest-posting as well, it has officially become a multi-user blog. For that reason it seemed important to have some kind of clear identifier of who was writing a specific post. So now you'll see, up in the upper-left hand corner of each post, below the title...a small icon and name of the Author.

Roseanne's posts are a little harder to find...here's her eye picture.


I finally got a Gmail account. I have my own server-maintained email addresses, but I don't like to point all my public web stuff at them. I've been pointing them all at my hotmail account for years, but I finally decided to abandon that damn thing and point everything at danieltalsky@gmail.com.

The Day After Father's Day

It is very nice to be blogging again. Ever since I voluntarily yoinked my blog, I have missed it. Daniel, being more of an extrovert, seems to be going outside and talking to people in the real world lately, which is something I aspire to. I have to unload this biz about Father's Day, and then I will do some kind of misty-eyed Rockford Reminiscence Thing.

One caveat: if you know my real name, please don't use it. I am trying to stay below the radar currently. Thanks!

Yesterday was Father's Day, another day (like Mother's Day) that used to make me cringe with the implications of obligations and guilt.

Suddenly, though, it's like the reset button's been hit on the whole thing. I left my husband in December, losing him in my life as the father of my child (he still fathers her, I just don't have to see it anymore). I also lost my father-in-law, who claims that I am welcome to get in touch at any time, but now I know I just don't have to. I lost my own dad when he bailed out in 1980, and I lost my stepdad when I moved out of my house at seventeen. No more dads for me.

My mom called me yesterday to invite me to the Fremont Sunday Market. As she was coming to pick me up, I was thinking about the irony of the situation: me, who has run through so many dads without any one sticking; my little girl, who sees her dad a lot less that she used to because her dad wasn't treatin' her momma right (I know, I know, this is 5 inches to the left of an old country and western song); my mom, whose parents divorced and whose father was pretty absentee and who died about four years ago; and my sister, whose father promises to visit but never does. Four ladies out on Father's Day and nary a dad in sight.

I thought I would feel liberated after all these years of dad-grudges and dad-obligations, but instead I felt something that I really don't feel often enough: optimism. I am done with dads for myself; I don't need one at this late stage. But I am optimistic that now I will have some worthwhile dads in my life, as friends and in the presence of my little girl. This break is a chance for my little girl to see dads differently than I did as a child: as useful, loving, and necessary.

June 21, 2004

guest a$$hole

Okay, let's all just openly admit that it's gotten a little lame over here at the tinyblog. And by that I mean lame, and not lame.

So I've decided I need to do something to breathe some fresh life into the old girl. (No, not the long promised redesign.)

It has come to my attention that one of my favorite bloggers has recently been deactivated. So what the hell, I think it's time to give A$$hole a regular guest spot over here at the tinyblog. So whaddya think, fellas, let's all give her a round of applause and make her feel real welcome.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a$$hole.

June 8, 2004

fun with the Bourne-again shell

-bash-2.05b$ fortune

Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.

June 5, 2004

inexplicable tinyblog poetry

I'm scratching a daughter out of myself
one smooth daughter thick in the tush
with one sock on and lots of habits
bitch is creative and has sparkly toes.
She's covered in felt,
and mystery laced crimes
she has mucho talent in the BEWARE department.

I'm scratching her out so she'll listen this time
or forget to cover me with habits
and shouting at just the wrong person.

I'm scratching her out
but don't worry.

I'll take care of her.

June 2, 2004


Didn't post in a long time again. Neither did Zan, but at least she offered an explanation. Well, her explanation goes for me too.

Partially, I guess I really just liked having my 666th entry up there for a while.

Also it kinda threw me for a loop that my Berkeley database got corrupted. I may have to convert the tinyblog to postgres. In my spare time.