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The Day After Father's Day

It is very nice to be blogging again. Ever since I voluntarily yoinked my blog, I have missed it. Daniel, being more of an extrovert, seems to be going outside and talking to people in the real world lately, which is something I aspire to. I have to unload this biz about Father's Day, and then I will do some kind of misty-eyed Rockford Reminiscence Thing.

One caveat: if you know my real name, please don't use it. I am trying to stay below the radar currently. Thanks!

Yesterday was Father's Day, another day (like Mother's Day) that used to make me cringe with the implications of obligations and guilt.

Suddenly, though, it's like the reset button's been hit on the whole thing. I left my husband in December, losing him in my life as the father of my child (he still fathers her, I just don't have to see it anymore). I also lost my father-in-law, who claims that I am welcome to get in touch at any time, but now I know I just don't have to. I lost my own dad when he bailed out in 1980, and I lost my stepdad when I moved out of my house at seventeen. No more dads for me.

My mom called me yesterday to invite me to the Fremont Sunday Market. As she was coming to pick me up, I was thinking about the irony of the situation: me, who has run through so many dads without any one sticking; my little girl, who sees her dad a lot less that she used to because her dad wasn't treatin' her momma right (I know, I know, this is 5 inches to the left of an old country and western song); my mom, whose parents divorced and whose father was pretty absentee and who died about four years ago; and my sister, whose father promises to visit but never does. Four ladies out on Father's Day and nary a dad in sight.

I thought I would feel liberated after all these years of dad-grudges and dad-obligations, but instead I felt something that I really don't feel often enough: optimism. I am done with dads for myself; I don't need one at this late stage. But I am optimistic that now I will have some worthwhile dads in my life, as friends and in the presence of my little girl. This break is a chance for my little girl to see dads differently than I did as a child: as useful, loving, and necessary.

Comments

I don't think I said this clearly enough...thanks for the space, and thanks for doing this!!!

Father's day is pretty wierd for me too. I didn't meet my dad till I was 25. Things were pretty fucked up with him and my mom and she left him before I was two. I grew up with a pretty freaky, difficult and abusive father figure in his place.

Now I've left the father of my child and things are...OK between us, but in a mostly superficial, brittle sort of way.

I am glad that my boy has a dad who loves him and that they can spend fathers day together. I hope that their relationship thrives and grows in healthy ways.

It's cool that you are feeling optimistic. It can be hard to stay open, stay hopeful in the midst of so much turmoil and wrongness.

Good on ya.

And hurray for all the good dads out there-I know some too and they totally rock the house!