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October 30, 2002

cara the morning after

what did I do last night?

October 23, 2002


I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. After two years of nearly every one of my friends living in a state of constant unemployment, I was still working. In the Internet industry no less. I was beginning to think I was abnormal!

Well, I am abnormal, but now I'm abnormal and unemployed. LXIS Networks' primary client (and the one I did the most work for) finally dropped us, saying they thought they could find a development crew that was based near them in Dallas, and could develop a little faster. I wasn't a part of much of the last few years relationship LXIS had with the client, RCI Utilities, but I guess I was there at the end.

I'm sure there's still work to do at LXIS, but not nearly enough to pay my paycheck, and so for the first time in many years I find myself putting together fresh resumes and cover letters, and crossing my fingers that some of these positions are actually available and don't have, like, 20 other overqualified web developers resumes on file.

Just a hope. In the meantime, I think I might do a little landscaping work for my friend Cara. Perhaps that would be a nice change.

October 22, 2002


ouch. rzan couldn't get to sleep, shauna couldn't get to sleep, and then I couldn't get to sleep either.

It's 10:30 am and I think I finally passed out less than 4 hours ago. A magical fairy came and brought me coffee but now I have to make it out the door and do those hard things like shoes.

oh pleeaz can I sleep? I got too excited cleaning my house or something.

October 21, 2002

sit with the pain

I went to the hour long meditation at the Seattle Shambhala Center, cause it's near my work, and around the time I finish up.

That's where I first went, originally when I was interested in Buddhism. It makes me feel like I did when I first started going, some five years ago now. Sort of raw and glad. I went last Thursday and then again tonight. It's not too entertaining, but a little more satisfying.

October 16, 2002

entertain the pain

I had a discussion over lunch with a friend about the meaning of life. It sounds trite, because everyone assumes that the meaning of life is some unreachable thing, or that it's something simple like, "Help other people."

What we were talking about was how in spite of all the good ideas we have, besides being good, intelligent men (for what that's worth) we are still floundering, hardly able to scrape together a real living for ourselves, and wondering if our values that we held so highly are really worth anything.

I cringe now at the confidence with which I told people of my Buddhist ideals, about the Bodhisattva vow to keep being reborn over and over...even in hell, for the benefit of beings...to work for the freedom and benefit of every single sentient being until all of them are free from confusion and suffering.

I guess I wouldn't be the first idealistic young person to discover that it's not so easy. It's not so easy to try and choose a spiritual life, lost in your own bad habits and compromises. Every day I wake up and go to work and I'm not sure what good I'm doing. But then at night all I want to do is rent a movie and be entertained. Just entertain the pain.

October 13, 2002

momma party

My mom came from Illinois and so we had a momma party. Five mommas of 2 generations came and ate and listened to music. We were pretty bawdy for a momma party, and lots of momma based discussions came up.

Like: If your mom (or your kid) were helping you move, is there anything you'd hide so they wouldn't come across it? Me and my mom couldn't think of anything, but for my friend Cara, it was less than hypothetical. She had an entire box of things she had to dig out of her stuff to have hidden when her mom did recently come to help her move.

October 9, 2002

love with a capital l

Without further ado, I introduce to you the new and fabulous, Loverzan.

pure Loverzan

Rzan, as you may know, has authored several tinyblog posts, and now, finally, has a bloggy home of her own.

Her writing is sweet, and she's been writing in secret for a couple of weeks. So you have a little catching up to do. Go deluge her with adoration. Immediately.

congratulations josh n jesse

My beautiful friends Josh and Jesse (who unfortunately I have no digital pictures of) just got back from getting married on the East Coast, and then spending their honeymoon raking Blackberries in Maine.

Jesse's family insisted they have the wedding out there, and then Jesse's grandmother sobbed the entire time (and not in a heppy way). Evidently Josh is not worthy. Well, I personally couldn't think of anyone wortheir.

They drew their wedding invitations...how sweet is that? I liked the little imprint on the back side of the card:


October 3, 2002

automatic meat probe

probe your meat, automatically!