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a rant

to all you slacker boyfriends out there.

Yeah, you know who you are. The ones who come on all sweet and affectionate and romantical...'til you move in with us!

That's just false advertising, damn it. If you're a big fat slob don't pretend otherwise. I know everyone puts their best foot forward at first, but really, why not avoid the long slow path to hella heartache by telling it like it is right at the start?

Because then you'll never get a girlfriend? Well, maybe, but at least you will get an honest look at yourself and perhaps you might just understand what you are looking for a little better. Do you really want another human being to devote themselves to you? That's a HUGE thing to be asking for, and you have to be willing to give yourself in equal measure(that is, if you actually want it to fly)Relationships are serious work, so unless you're just looking for a good time, be ready to work.

Why the big sermon? I had a heart to heart a dear girlfriend recently. Our kids played while we made dinner and talked. She's rather aghast at finding herself living with her new partner and all the little things that magnify once you move into each others daily space.

Like dirty laundry, on the floor, thanklessly waiting to be picked up and made clean. Or dishes piling up, or dirty bathrooms...Any of the endless chores that SOMEONE has to do. Not to mention that lurking dragon of all relationship worries-finances! Who pays for what now that the couple has become a living unit?

And what about all that loving touch? Where did all the affection, the endearments, the rubbing, the little gestures and tender moments(like flowerpetals in the bathwater or lovesongs softly sung) go?

Hear me, all ye boyfriends! We need that! It is essential to our happiness. And our happiness is essential to your happiness, is it not?

Look on your mate. Is she not unique and incredibly precious to you? Then for Goddess' sake, tell her! Talk to her. You may have heard her whole story already, but I guarantee you don't know what's going on in her head NOW! Delve down into that secret magic of your lovers soul-if she will let you. It may be unsettling and a little scarey, but it will bring you closer and what are you in a relationship for anyway, if not relating?

don't be a dipshit about the dishes and chores either. Even if she is a mama, or motherly, she ain't your mama! And don't just do a minimum either, take on that whole gawdamn mountain of scarey greasy dishes-you're a MAN, aren't you? Then do chores like a real man! Put those burly muscles to use-scrubbing our floors and bathtubs. Show us what sexy and manly REALLY is.

Yes. Yes. Oh, YES!



I must be the sexiest manliest thing going..I do almost all of the chores in our house. And truth be told I am appreciated for it, listen Rzan you lazy slobs out there!