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letters from cammy V: sometimes

Sometimes the girl knew me far too well for my own good:

There's something I've been wanting to say to you, now is probably a good time.

I've known you for along time and I know that you have a good heart and if you acted with as much mindfullness in your day to day life, as you do with your shrine room and your dharma books, life might be a little easier with Less conflicts and suffering and all of those Dramatic frustrations.

You act with great care around the "Official Dharma items" but with other things in your day (some of the time, not all of the time, but enough) you act as if your actions do not matter, or you are completely oblivious to the person or item that you're bruising, in the end the lack of mindfull ness causes you more suffering. I become so frustrated when you just pay no attention.. I think I have pelted you with vicious attacks bout your selfish me, me, me-ness and about pushing me out of the way and spilling things on the carpet, but those really aren't what is at the root of things...

Remember when I got so mad at you when we were at the lama's and you had your shoes on in the kitchen and i said you should take them off. that's what i'm talking about. and i feel so sad when you are confused and hurt, and then i get madder because i can predict what's going to happen. i see where a huge samsaric tidal wave crashes over you.

My intention is not to hurt you Daniel. This is not an attack. I love you and maybe I am so wrong and full of my own puffed up feathers. I only want peace for you and for our household.

I also had a wonderful time over the holidays. you little tender nugget

Comments

Not to take away from the intensity of that letter, but I think you're dating your blog entries a month early. What I mean is, it's January.

hmmm

Crisis averted. disregard previous message from not Nat. Come to think of it, disregard this one too. And the next. Sincerely,

Well I guess she wasn't totally crazy...