« marlamewa | Main | unravel »

i move to dismiss!

Yes, I got to say those magical words today.

You see, three months ago, I got a speeding ticket in Edmonds by a bored motorcycle cop who pulled over someone else while he was in the middle of writing my ticket. I went to court and got the ticket deferred. This means that if I don't get another ticket for a year, then that ticket will disappear from my record. If not, then in addition to paying the court costs for the deferment, I have to pay the full cost of the original ticket and it goes on my record.

Well, about three months ago, while in a rush to take my cousin to the airport. I ran a stop sign and got stopped by a cop waiting behind a little wall for no other reason other than to bust people at that specific stop sign. Damn. I calculated quickly in my head the almost two hundred dollars that cost me.

After a bit of careful consideration I decided to go for gold. I asked for a contention hearing, meaning I say I didn't commit the offense. At the little pre-hearing I said I did indeed want to contest the charge and...here's the key...subpoena the officer.

Now no cop wants to show up in downtown Seattle over a stop sign ticket that happened several months ago unless you did something to piss him off, and I had been very polite to the officer. If you subpoena the officer as a witness, and he (or she) doesn't show up, then you don't even have to make an argument. You just get to have the case dismissed.

So I've been waiting months for that stupid hearing, knowing there would be a chance the officer would show up and I would be screwed. But when the day came today, and 2:30pm rolled around, I saw two cops in the courtroom and niether was the guy who pulled me over on the top of Queen Anne hill.

I waited with giddy excitement until the judge finally called me and opened my case.

"Is an officer present for Talsky?"

Deafening silence.

"Mr. Talsky it looks like you supoena'd the officer on this infraction, is that correct?" He looked over his glasses at me.

"Yes your honor."

Here's where you're supposed to wait for him to look at you ponderously for a moment until you fully appreciate how lucky you got, and then he's supposed to say, "Would you like to make any motions?" but I couldn't even wait.

I immediately blurted out, "I move to dismiss!"

He looked at me over his glasses ponderously (he had to do it sometime, and I think he was a little annoyed at my eagerness) and finally said:



Hehehe... I got to do that with a coke-head landlord who was suing me because she'd run out of money for blow. Same deal, she didn't show up and I won by default.
It is so sweet, especially after the build-up of tensions as you wait and wonder for days or weeks if they're gonna show or not...

That ROCKS. You're a lucky bastard, Daniel.

classic stuff! :)

You may have escaped this time but we'll get you yet, Mr. Talsky!

nice job, matlock...

Job good! That's a marlamewa moment fer sure.

Hey what happens if neither of you show? Do you still get the fine?

Yes! Score ONE for the common Man!

I've actually had it happen. I was supposed to show up in court when I broke my arm and I had surgey that day and it was too late to cancel it, so when I called to reschedule they told me that the officer had not shown and that the case HAD been dismissed.

I was like, "Really? Can you mail me something that says that?"