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hi, my name is mary

I can't help but have respect and curiousity for Mary, while at the same time finding her completely heartbreaking (and...well, kind of spooky).

Why respect and curiousity? Because here is a woman who knows pretty much exactly what she requires in her potential mate, and has chosen a decidedly scientific method to go about finding it.

Her site is well designed (in terms of usablility, not color choices) and she even provides tech support to potential non-tech-savvy readers who are not able to cut-and-paste, or view her site. She's obviously set up some kind of email filter to weed out people who don't follow her very specific instructions. Everything is executed with the same precision that one would imagine one could expect from every part of the process. However, she seems open-minded enough, that apart from her very specific needs, she is willing to put up with a wide range of different types of men.

So what is heartbreaking? From her "Most Men Find Me Too Needy" page:

"I never want to hear another man I love say, 'I don't want you to need me so much.' All other things considered, if I wait for someone who needs me as much as I need him, I trust that I'll never hear those words again from someone I've come to adore."

I mean, this 'article' of hers just blows me away. It's just really moves me that she can just be so goddamn wierd and at the same time lay herself so bare on her little website. I just have this feeling in my heart that she will never find what she's looking for the way she's looking for it. The No Masturbation rule doesn't help much, I'm sure. Hehehe.

I'd just like to give a shout out to her, and put all my good juju into her being able to find what she's looking for, the skinny slender or lean 35-55 year old agnotistic or athiest non-masturbating needy guy of her dreams.


Good god. I can't think of anything duller than a non-masturbatory agnostic. Or atheist for that matter. If you don't masturbate OR believe in a god/religion, then what lse is there?!?

Why, obsessively searching for your dream mate online of course.

sounds like my father and his compulsive use of dating agencies.

daniel, what you said - "I just have this feeling in my heart that she will never find what she's looking for the way she's looking for it."

I think that, too. Somehow I always think people stand a better chance of getting a real mate if they were more forthright in real life. Some people have met successfully over the internet - but not so many. and i'd never be one to turn to dating agencies and match-making schemes.

if you want to find someone out there for you, go out there and do it yourself. but i do think it's kind of brave of her to bare herself all out on the internet. i'd never be able to do that.

Oh god. If she ever finds what she's looking for I sure as hell don't want to meet them. She's chasing shadows, looking for that total co-dependence which only ever comes to a freshly broken virgin at age 16, completley willing to subvert their personality, indepencence, sex drive, and machiavelian impulses for loooove, and even then it usualy lasts in the healthy individual for a maximum of a month.

Ugh.. I've met people like this before, they're realy awful. So swept up in parasitizing each other that they hardly notice the real world.

Everyone I've ever met who's celebrated their golden aniversery has got that far because they've allowed each other a semblence of indepencence.

DATE: 01/05/2002 07:08:35 AM

I hear ya. She says somewhere in there that she's really interested in psychology, although she hasn't studied it much. It's too bad, because she might be able to say that what she's looking for is NOT "interdependance" (which is what the filename is for that "most men find me needy" page...interdependance.html).

What can I say though, even though she knows she's pretty off the norm, and what she is looking for is not everyone's piece of cake, you CANNOT accuse her of not being completely forthright about what she wants. She is exceedingly clear, and I really respect that.

However, I agree with mr. helpline that probably no one is going to want to give over thier whole existance to (listed in her future marraige vows:) "be responsible to feel 'in love' with you by being responsible to keep attitudes that lead to the feelings of being in love with you." and "be responsible to stay happy with you by being responsible to keep attitudes that lead to the feelings of being happy with you."

That's just...amazing. Anyway, there's not much to be said about it. I'm going to send her an Email, as linking to her is one of the conditions upon which she will accept an Email from you. I will let y'all know if I get a response.

It strikes me that anyone who makes a statement like this "Even though you don't believe that there's necessarily anything to astrology, the following is my sun sign (for example, Pisces)", has already created a virtual person in their head. I mean, it's good (I think) that she knows exactly what she wants, but if you read this and felt that she was already talking to herself in your voice, wouldn't you be a little too creeped out to respond? I think maybe she's been scared off of leaving anything to chance, which is one of the greatest things about falling in love.

I hear you give advice on the HTML desiging of web pages. Mine looks rather like a lost cause right now. I like your site one helluva lot more than mine. Please, I beg you, take a look and let me know--should I remain Shauny's bitch or hang my head in shame and head back to tripod?

I can't say anything bad about trying to meet a potential date online because, well, I met my (totally perfect for me, normal, not like Mary) boyfriend online. My cousin introduced me to him via AIM because she thought we'd have a lot in common. I didn't really buy it at first, but I kept talking to him. And after a few months of online friendship resulted in meeting for a movie, we've been dating for five months. I never would have met him in real life, but by some kind of luck, I met my soulmate.

So why do I think my way works and Mary's doesn't? Even if she's a really cool person, listing all these requirements makes her come off as picky yet desperate -- and perhaps a bit snobbish. A guy who might otherwise be completely attracted to her could easily be turned off by this. Mary, lighten up. You'll find him, but if you rinse every guy out there through such a fine filter, even the good ones won't be able to filter through.

I first stumbled upon that site about six months ago. At first I figured it had to be somebody's idea of a joke.

It's like squeezing a wet eel - the more you tighten your grip, the quicker it slips between your fingers.

Like I've always said - you always find it when you stop looking. Someone should tell this woman to stop squeezing so hard. Focus on *herself* and what *she* could do to make *herself* happy. That's is what attracts the right kind of person - when you're happy with yourself and can be by yourself.